Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Ha,ha,ha Kenya Gov't Be Killing It

I choose to laugh at all the corruption scandals coming to light. Not because it is amusing,far from it, the epic looting and plunder of our nation's coffers is disheartening. It would seem that those entrusted with guarding,guiding and set course of the ship that is our nation are less captains of ethics but rather pirates on a booty hiding mission.

I shall laugh because of the new standards of creative accounting practices and showing accountability being shown the door. The belief in the higher echelon's of Kenyans gullibility is nothing short of delusional. The only way I'd believe a condom dispenser is worth the astronomical sums stated in the reports is only if it came with a holographic video of a very hot and famous ebony Hollywood starlet giving a very raunchy and detailed description of prophylactic use and the condoms themselves self-destructed upon completion of use to negate the need for disposal (because let's be honest lobe balloon disposal is not anyone's idea of fun).

I also now believe the ministry of devolution is hiring calligraphists and conducting hand-lettering courses to make the best value for money for the $85 pens.

Culture is being embraced hence the need for a grand piano in office,to make sure one doesn't get too rusty in the Bach and Mozart. Junior staffers,your nyatitis are on the way. So please don't fret.

Wheelbarrow innovation has also not been left behind. The tech revolution shall be built on wheels,so one wheeled vehicles are as good a place as any to start,right?

Let us celebrate our leaders creativity in the fields of industrial innovation,culture, smart accounting, buck passing and general bad-assery (Applause).

State of the nation #Dead

Saturday, April 18, 2015


IK is AFK.

And that is where my trouble starts.
It is with a great degree of trepidation that I have come to realize that gadgets have become my default experiential nexus with the world. My mobile phone/ipod touch has become like a vestigial extension of my palm. My laptop screensaver has become the only sunset lit landscape that I see and headphones have become my major source of auditory information.

A day without Instagram-worthy photos and a smiley inducing caption feel wasted and thank God for emojis because I feel that I have become too cynical to enjoy an actual laugh. At this rate I have a fear that I might start vibrating the moment someone responds to me while having an actual face-to-face conversation. Most of the people I engage with it is through a digital interface.

Now the big question how and why did I slip this far; from being the last in my circle of associates to set up a Facebook account to being the de facto keyboard warrior?

The first reason for me has to be social anxiety. I have never been at ease being in the physical company of actual people. So slowly but surely I have receded to the background of social life and limit interaction to that which is absolutely necessary.

The lack of immediacy of an online conversation allows me the luxury of a buffer to self edit to the point where I can come up with responses that are intelligible and colored with a small degree of humor.

Online no one can see the sweat of your brow or hear the tremble in your voice. Thus, I can present the version of myself that I think will be most appealing to the world.

However, these qualities that seem like advantages are negating the biggest purpose of human interaction; true human connection. By polishing responses and opinions the spontaneity and authenticity needed for true connection to occur are thrown out the window in favor of mass appeal and political correctness.

So for the benefit of my sanity and the pursuit of a worthwhile life Irungu Kiongo will step Away From Keyboard and go live life.
Right after uploading this post, following Robert Mugabe’s interior design and dance move boards on Pinterest and learning how to do an afro into a man bun that is not too metrosexual.

Irosh. Out.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Rhythm of Conversation

What if each of us had conversations according to our field of employment. Reggae DJs would have the worst of it I think. They would have to pull up and rewind selector for each phrase at least three times,never finish a topic of conversation because they would have to crossfade the next topic halfway into the current one and the number of glasses,plates and airhorns they would have to have on their person at all time would be ridiculous. Not to forget the obligatory namedrop every 15 seconds.